I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She bit a glass in half.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
