dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
