I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
