I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
