If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
