come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
