this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
