If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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