So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
