Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
