i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Still dying that you shit outside
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
