Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
