i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
