he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
