I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
