I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
