my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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