Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
