We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
