It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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