ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
