Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she looked like the before picture.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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You. Win. At. Life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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