Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it glows. i had to have it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
