Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she looked like the before picture.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
