It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
