What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
