PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
