i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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