So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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