as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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