Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
