Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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