This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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