finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
