I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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