I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
