...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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