You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
