Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
