I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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