So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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