don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
