what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
