Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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