Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
