I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
