wanna go halves on a baby?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
