she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
