:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
