Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
