If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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