how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
