i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
