yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
vagina is talking i cant
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have aggressive nipples.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
