wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
